On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
