Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
