"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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