Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
