This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
