She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
