I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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