She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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