She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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