Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
