kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
