Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
