Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
