I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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