He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
