Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
