I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
