why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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