I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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