are you still at the devil's house?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
