ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
