hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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