We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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