This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
