I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize