I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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