By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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