I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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