i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
