Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
