He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just invented taco cereal.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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