$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
