now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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