Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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