I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
