Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
