I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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