She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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