Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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