Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize