kristin has been a bad kristin
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
