K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
