Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my god I love twenty year old dicks
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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