Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
