So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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