is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
