She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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