i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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