She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
