we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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