I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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