real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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