We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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