I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
