So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
