so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
