your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize