girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
