His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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