I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
