So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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