I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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