Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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