she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
