He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's official drugs can't kill me
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
