I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
