My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize