i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
