Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
